New Year, New Sleep Philosophy: A Resolution You’ll Actually Want to Keep
Ah, January – that magical time when we all convince ourselves we'll become morning yogis who meal prep and read 52 books a year. But let's be real: the most successful resolution is one that feels good in the keeping. Because I’m a sleep clinician, people expect me to nag them about caffeine curfews and “no screens in bed” (and sometimes I do), but years of experience tell me that the true key to better sleep is to start with the right philosophy—nurture your relationship with sleep, and the details will fall into place.
So, for 2025, let’s set aside the rules of sleep hygiene for now and focus on a new mindset about sleep. Embrace sleep as a friend, and it will be fun to keep the sleep resolutions that matter.
Why Befriend Sleep?
Before we dive into the “how”, here's a fun fact: If you live to be 100 years old, you will have spent about 30 years sleeping (or trying to sleep). If sleep were a person, that would be a lot of time to spend with someone in a room together. What kind of relationship would you want to have with the person you spend more time with than anyone else? Are you nurturing that kind of relationship? Or do you treat sleep like that friend we only call when we need something. Perhaps you’re on the other end of the spectrum, acting like a dictator who wants to control everything and expects your friend to act perfectly according to your expectations? No wonder sleep is reluctant to come to you. Or even when she does, maybe she doesn’t bring her best self. It's time to reset your relationship with sleep and be true friends again.
Building a Better Friendship with Sleep
1. Get to Know Each Other Better
Just like any good friendship, understanding is key. Start paying attention to what makes you naturally sleepy and alert. Maybe you're a night owl trying to force yourself into being an early bird, or perhaps you've been ignoring your body's needs for hydration, movement, or rest. Are you really exhausted in the afternoon because you didn’t sleep well last night, or is that the caffeine crash? Listen to what your body's telling you – it's very wise!
2. Make Time For Your Friend
Good friends make time for each other. But instead of expecting your friend to show up exactly when you want, at the snap of your fingers, try creating inviting opportunities for sleep to join you—a warm bath, a fun book, a quiet snuggle. Set aside time to gradually transition from “doing” to “being” in the evening, like you'd ease into conversation with a friend over tea. Your body will start looking forward to these daily meet-ups and start to relax when the time comes.
3. Create a Welcoming Space
Think about how you prepare your home for a cherished friend's visit—you’d probably straighten up, clean, and make it cozy. Your sleep space deserves the same thoughtful attention. Make your bedroom a place where sleep feels welcome – not a home office, gym, or entertainment center. What makes you feel cozy, relaxed, and at peace? That's what sleep likes too.
4. Be Kind When Things Don't Go as Planned
Just like you wouldn't ghost a friend for being late once, don't be harsh when sleep doesn't show up exactly as expected. Some nights, sleep might be fashionably late to the party – that's okay! Responding with frustration only strains the relationship. Practice being a flexible, understanding friend to your sleep and appreciate how much it does show up for you in your times of need.
5. Take Sleep To Couples Counseling if Needed
Like any relationship, yours with sleep will have its ups and downs. There will be nights when you're just not clicking, and that's normal. But if things have been on the rocks for a while and you just can’t seem to get the relationship back on track, it might be time to get some support. A behavioral sleep medicine specialist is like a couples’ therapist for people and their sleep. We help to figure out where the misunderstandings are, and coach you through some “resets” that will bring back the love.
The "Why Bother?" Section
Here's the cool part about being friends with sleep: it's incredibly generous. When you nurture this relationship, you get:
A clearer mind (like having a friend who helps you sort through mental clutter)
Emotional balance (your personal mood-lifting buddy)
Physical resilience (your health's biggest cheerleader)
Creative inspiration (your brainstorming partner)
Better stress handling (your reliable support system)
The Reality Check
There will be times when you have to work extra hard to help when your sleep is going through a tough time (e.g., when you’re sick), and times when sleep will take a backseat to support your fun (e.g., on a trip to Europe). The goal isn't to achieve perfect harmony every night – it's to build a lasting, flexible, forgiving relationship that can weather life's storms and celebrations.
The Bottom Line
Quality sleep isn't about following a rigid set of rules – it's about developing a strong relationship with sleep. Think of these resolutions as nurturing investments: small, thoughtful actions that create a happy, lasting friendship with sleep. Remember: The best friendships develop naturally over time. Your relationship with sleep might take some work to repair if you've been neglecting it or being too overbearing, but like any good friend, sleep is always ready to welcome you back.
Sweet dreams and happy New Year!
